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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 14:59:12 GMT -8
Sunday, 17 October 2010
11:30 p.m.
The whispy, silvery patronus of a lone wolf raced quickly towards the makeshift flat where the person to whom its message was to be delivered lived. Of course, it wasn't the most reliable of methods, and should Kara have been found out and a Death Eater was there, they would receive his message, and if any of them were ones who had been Death Eaters back when he was nineteen, Casey would be, too, but since he hadn't had any chance during the flurry of events that had lead to his presence in a random destroyed flat in the ruins that remained of Diagon Alley to go see Kara, he figured this was second best and worth the risks. She'd be able to hear his voice. Future communications would be done by an owl he would simply have to purchase from another country since he doubted many muggle shops would sell what he wanted.
As the lone wolf came to rest in the living room, it began to recite its message in Casey's voice, not caring if the woman was there. The Patronus merely was doing as it was supposed to do, and there was little else to say about it. "Kara, I wish I could be face to face with you right now; I wish I could hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright, that we will be together again. But I can't. I've been compromised. Eves knows, Kara. She has all the cards in her hands, and if Trevor finds out... Julian's in the safe house. Denton took him. Look out for him when you go, please. I miss you, but I swear, I will be back as soon as it is safe. Look for a tawny owl. He'll be bringing a letter. I can't lose contact with you completely, not when we're just getting to know each other." And that said, the lone wolf took off on its own before disappearing.
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 14:59:42 GMT -8
For whatever reason, Kara jerked awake. It took her a moment to realize she'd fallen asleep on her couch, having passed out from exhaustion from the day. Someone, or something was interrupting her sleep, her sense of safety, and she was not going to have it. The scarred woman was ready to go, wand in hand, aiming for the door as if an intruder was about to burst in to her flat at any second. She was down to her skivvies, sleeping in a gown she wouldn't normally wear except to await a particular man who would join her in bed. Alas. She eyed the moon outside. It was nearly midnight, and there was no man in sight.
Her heart beat quicker now, awaiting what was coming for her, and she knew it was coming fast. Maybe it was the ale, maybe it was the paranoia, but something had her anxious, made the nerves in her stomach swirl. Unfortunately for her, she did have a visitor. It arrived with a bright beam of blinding light, shimmering in the living room area, illuminating the area. She was immediately surprised at its appearance, shielding her eyes with her left hand as she gazed upon it, warily. She wondered whose it was, and realized there were only a handful of people who knew her whereabouts. Had it been Damien, it would be a different animal, not this, as she had come into contact with his patronus before. It wasn't Jaleth's or 'Lana's, or...the list went on for a couple more names, and she knew that if it was an enemy, the circumstances would be different, feel different even. No, this visitor meant no harm.
It commenced to leave a message.
And the message was not good news. Her wand and heart fell simultaneously. Except where the wand hit the tangible, solid surface of the floor, she thought her heart was sinking farther, delving deep into the depths of hell, or wherever was lower than that. She was frozen solid, smitten with disbelief, anger, hate, love, longing, bewilderment. "Not again." She whimpered through her tears, "Not like this...no...not again!"
Grabbing her wand from the floor she aimed it at the glowing animal with fury in her eyes. Though she realized any spell she cast would be futile, and it would surely disturb the neighbors. But she didn't care, she couldn't care. The man she loved was gone...again. She couldn't believe the trickery of fate, the doom of her destiny. This was just her luck. And she hated it. Her hand was trembling violently, and all the spells she knew, all the spells she obtained in her day were spinning chaotically in her head, and she was not able to settle on just one. Screaming in utter defeat, she threw her wand to the couch.
Of course he did say that this was not permanent, that he wanted to keep in contact...but how else was she supposed to feel? He couldn't see her in person. He was disappearing again. He was probably gone. And Julian? Kara was glad to hear he was safe, but how was she supposed to tend to a child who more than likely hated her? She knew he probably despised her, the 'one who was trying to take the place of mum'...Merlin.
Then she returned to the thought that she may not be able to see Casey again. Oh, how it hurt so much.
The scarred one, feeling torn from the inside out, wrapped herself in a blanket, curled up in a ball and began to weep, ignoring the image that may still be in the room. The patronus couldn't talk back, nor could it send back her own message. She would wait now, she had to cool down, she had to wait until she could manage to spit out actual sentences before she would say anything more to Casey Winslow. All she could do was cry. She thought of running to Liam, but she was tired of pestering him with these trivial love games, the time wasted on worry, or heartbreak, when she knew he had more important things to tend to.
She felt betrayed, like this was a joke. She felt so lonely, shivering in a cold far worse than the cool temperature that filled the room. Kara was in so much pain.
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:00:02 GMT -8
Monday, 18 October 2010
Kara,
I understand if you are so angry at me that you don't want to hear from me again, but it would mean so much to me and give me some peace of mind to hear from you even if it is a bloody howler. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, but it wasn't something I planned on doing. I hadn't even thought I would see Evie that evening at The Leaky Cauldron nor did I believe I would have had the gall to tell her yet even if I did. But I did and I did, and she didn't react well enough for me to feel confident keeping Julian around or even going to work the following day was a good idea. So, I've been waiting, hoping she'll come by for the proof that I'm telling her the truth so I can close that chapter of my life. I need closure, Kara. You know that. And you know I won't be able to let it go until I do, even if she hates me and never speaks to me again. At least it would be a reaction. At least I'd have done all I could to provide her an out.
That's the only reason I'm staying away, Kara. I want to keep you out of this. I don't want to bring you into this if Williams somehow finds out. I know you're Order, and I know you'd be there for me if I asked you to, but you deserve better. You deserve safety. I am not going to get another budding relationship put into the eyes of the Death Eaters. I've been there, done that, and it's not pretty. Besides that, Kara, I believe I can't ask that of you, not really. It wouldn't be fair. You deserve a me whose attention is focused solely on you, and that is what I will give you when I return. Until then, I will keep in touch when I can. The owl knows how to find me. Use him to send your letter.
- Casey
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 14:59:57 GMT -8
Kara stared at the parchment in her hands and crumpled it up. Her bloodshot eyes were still sore from the night before, stinging slightly with each blink. It was that moment she turned her attentions to the owl on her windowsill, staring at her with a knowing glance. Those beady eyes couldn't fathom her pain. They wouldn't convey the right sort of emotions he wanted Casey to feel at this point. And she was half-tempted to take up his offer in sending out the howler. Goodness, she wanted to send the howler so badly. But with a deep breath, she sucked it all in, exhaling it out with sheer aggravation and summoned a quill and parchment from her drawer.
She began to write:
C-
This is ridiculous
I don't know why I am writing you back, but I have this feeling in my gut that is telling me I must keep in touch with you. You must already know that I am deeply hurt by this stunt, and I don't even know where to begin on explaining the rest of the emotions I am feeling right now. I do understand that you need your closure, yes. But there are plenty of things that I must think about now that you've up and left me...again. That night was wonderful for me. I felt it in my heart, and now I am feeling so betrayed by my own heart.
Once again, I don't understand what is going on...on both ends, really.
Send this owl back, should you choose to write again.
-K.
The letter really didn't make any sense, but Kara didn't care. She shoved it into the owl's beak and let it fly off, the poor thing. That was all she could muster up the courage to say before actually breaking down again. It was a good thing the Order didn't need her until later, because there was no way she was going to show up broken down like this. She walked to her couch, curled up into a ball with a pillow held tightly in her arms and began to cry again. That bastard. Kara thought.
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:00:48 GMT -8
The reply he received confused Casey. She wasn't sounding like she was yelling or ranting at him as she wrote it. Rather, the tone simply came across as hurt, and he somehow found that wasn't much better. He knew he'd hurt her by his sudden decision, but she had to understand. He needed her to understand that this was not about her--only it was--but about him. Yes, he needed closer. However, he also needed to make certain he'd repaid Evie what he perceived he owed her. He couldn't possibly be happy until he had done absolutely everything he could possibly do to save her. Saving her had been his pattern since age sixteen. It was a difficult habit to break once started, it appeared. He had to fix things. He wanted to fix more than what he knew he could, but he knew that could never happened. He'd moved on for the most part and only had a few loose ends to tie. So, that was what he was doing. He was tying those loose ends so he could give Kara every part of him without guilt, not just his body or just his half-assed emotions. He wanted to be there completely. Of course, he had to fix this first, the whole situation with her being hurt. He couldn't carry on if she didn't understand that he had to do this and why and wasn't one hundred percent certain that he was still dedicated to her. He had a feeling it could be easier said than done.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Kara,
I'm sorry I hurt you. That wasn't my intention even if I had a feeling it would result in doing so. It's just, I need to save her just this one last time. If I don't, I'll be plagued by the what ifs of if I had freed her from him. I don't want you to have to live with me like that. I'm not the most pleasant person to be around when I get caught up and fixated on something. I easily fall into a direction that I don't like. I do things I'm not proud of. That's not what I want for us. I want us to be happy. I want us to work, to have what Evie and I could never find: peace. For that to happen, I need to be able to give you my all, and if I'm distracted, I obviously can't do that. So, I have to help her.
And Kara, I don't know what will happen from there. I don't know how Julian will be. He hates you because you're taking my attention off his mother, but he also says his mother isn't really his mother anymore. So, I don't know if he'll choose to do something to spite you. I have to give into him, though. I need him to be content, even if it means living as a family again. It would be terribly awkward and uncomfortable, but...I don't even know what to think right now Kara. I'm just so confused. The only thing I'm sure of in life right now? You. You and how deeply you care for me and I you. We have something special, and I will not give it up. He will know that. He's my son, and I want him to be happy, but I think the only way for any of us to do that is to move on with life and accept change. Change may be painful but it's good. I mean, more than anything I wish I could have my daughter back and the twins. But I would never wish I'd never had this chance with you. It's confusing to think about, but it's true. I loved my children, even the two I didn't have the opportunity to meet, and I loved my family, but I don't know. I think Evie and I were headed apart anyway. We loved each other, but there was something...I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into things now that I've had so long to step away and reflect how I really felt. I don't believe all of the resentment was because of how she was treating me to protect me from myself while I was depressed.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so deep like that, but Kara, I just need you to understand. I will be coming back to you. I will keep in touch with you. If I can safely manage it, I will see you as soon as possible. You mean so much to me; so does what we share. That is the truth; I swear it to you on all things good in this world.
- Casey
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 15:01:20 GMT -8
Thursday, 21 Oct. 2010
The reply startled Kara. She didn't expect to hear back from Casey so soon, if at all. Evie's name popped up, however. So did Julian's, and the word 'spite' beside it. Kara knew the consequences of falling in love with Casey, she had come to terms with them the first time she'd met him, been entranced by him, and lost him all at once. When she reunited with him, revisiting those old feelings for him (and then some), she had already prepared herself for the ache of being the other woman, of being the stepmother. Nevertheless, it hurt. A lot.
Still, she managed to get her aching self out of bed and bring the quill to the parchment. Kara was going to write back. She had to. At least now, she could put together coherent sentences, make sense of herself...for the most part.
I do understand why we must do this. I should have known than to let my heart get in the way of our safety. If Julian does not like me, I cannot change this. If he hates me because he feels that I wish to 'take Evie's place' then so be it. Although he is a young man, he is still a human being with a mind of his own. Adolescence is not an excuse. Though I must make it clear that I am not wanting to 'take anybody's place'. I wish to be with you, simply. That is all. No ifs, ands, buts, nothing. I care for you so much, my dear. I wanted that to be clear when I last saw you. You have my heart, and have had it for a long time now.
I can't say that this is going to be easy, but I will try. I already miss you terribly, and worry for your safety with each passing second. But I must face the fact that I cannot stand in the way you choose to go, the path of redemption, of your own personal victory over a power that is far greater than we can handle alone. I shall remain in the Order, at Damien's side, and try to get a plan together on my end.
Please, my darling...do not lose touch. I apologize that I may have been out of line before. Please understand my feelings. Be safe, and silent travels.
-K
She stared at the piece of parchment once it was signed and realized this was more of an apologetic, softer side of herself that sneaked out when she wasn't looking. Kara sighed, shrugged and folded it up before she could think to crumple it up and start over. This was the message she had to send to Casey. She missed him, she loved him, and more strongly, she wished him well. The scarred one knew she couldn't be angry with him forever. It was going to take some time. And in that time, she would hurt.
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:02:17 GMT -8
5 November 2010
I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I would have, if it had been safe, but as it is, I had a near run-in with our dear old friends. You remember them, I'm sure. Black hoods, weird masks...usually anyway. I managed to wake up just in time to realize that someone was in the empty house I'd been making use of. I should have known better than to stay in that one as long as I had, but I was trying to avoid the inevitable: leaving the wizarding world behind. So, I'm now in the muggle world in an obnoxiously small decent apartment. The neighbors are...well, neighbors. I do get stares, though. Apparently it's not usual for a 31-year-old man to stay there alone who's not on drugs, I suppose. I can't imagine what they're saying about me, but I don't really care. I have too much other rubbish to worry about.
Anyway, don't think the D.E.s caught a glimpse of me, and I managed to grab anything that would have identified me. By the time it was safe to return, however, I was sorry to find they'd nabbed everything else, some that had sentimental value, but like I said, nothing identifiable as to evoke, 'He's alive! Sound the alarm!' So yeah, I'm safe. I'm fine, just missing you and Jules. Have you How are you? I'm sure between L and the others to look out for you and your own skills, you're fine, but I can't help but worry sometimes, you know? Especially when it's been a few days now. And Jules? How is he? Hating me? Missing me? Enjoying his cousins?
Well, I need to go eat, and I'm really not feeling too sure of what else to say that I haven't said. Please, take care.
Thinking of you,
Casey
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 15:02:41 GMT -8
Nov. 6th, 2010
The muggle world is as safe as we can get, these days...unfortunately. All I can say is to be careful. Muggles may not know too much about us, but given the circumstance and the fact that they, just like us, have a habit of being nosy, you could find yourself in a spot of trouble.
I have been doing fine. Supply runs have been going like crazy, with all of the people finding out about Tutaminis and seeking refuge there. I'm still trying to get through to Damien, to tell him that we should be doing more than hiding and running the streets with supplies and junk on our backs, dodging Death Eaters and what not. I've been speaking with 'Lana and the others, but Damien is truly the one to speak to for such an issue.
Julian is...well, Julian. He avoids me at all costs, even when I try to ask him if he is alright. He is his own person, of course, and I am not going to force him to like me. From what I can tell, he is fine here. Elena is doing a fine job of watching over him. I shall ask her what he's thinking, and I will relay them to you as soon as I can.
I miss you terribly. Please return to me soon, and please come home in one piece...It's hard for me to sleep some nights, wondering what might happen to you...
Take care, my darling.
K
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:03:05 GMT -8
7 November 2010
I could say so many things right now about Damien and the OP, and you know what, I think I will. I won't baby you. I really wish you'd get out of it. In the long run, this bloke seems more interested in having a safe house than getting anything done on the OP front, and chances are most of those people would rather remain safe in the safe house than to go out and risk their necks. The OP died years before you ever joined. This new generation has no backbone, no real focus--at least not if they're letting a bloke who isn't taking any steps to get anything done. It makes all the risks unnecessary and pointless. I'm sure you're smart enough to go to the muggle world to get basic needs like food and clothing, but I'm also sure there are other things that you have no choice but to go in on a stolen pass just to get things and hope that you don't get caught. I don't want to read in the Prophet that you've been captured. Others can take those risks. I don't want to lose someone else I care about thanks to the OP.
And I am being careful, Kara. Believe me, I am. I've hardly been back to the wizarding world of late except on rare occasions where there is no other choice. I have a kid to get back to first and foremost as well as you, Kara. Meet me at our former haunt. Five 'o clock, tomorrow. I won't stay long because I know wizards stop there even if it is the muggle world. I can't be recognized, but I want to see you.
And I'm glad to hear Jules hasn't lost his...spunk. He reminds me so much of his mother with that stubborn persistence. But still, I wish he would speak with you. Maybe Lucy will? I'm sure she's seen him and spent plenty of time with him. Or Sam?
I'll talk with you later,
Casey
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 15:03:54 GMT -8
10 Nov 2010
C -
I'm sorry I did not make it last the other day. I hope you were not waiting long.
I was tied up with
There was business to take care of for Damien
I went out. I had to see Jaleth. He sent me an owl, like he was in danger and 'Lana was really worried. She wasn't feeling well, so I went to see him.
I'm sorry darling. I'm so sorry...
- K
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:04:18 GMT -8
Casey had been seething since he'd received that owl. He'd been stood up for her ex, someone who had also been around their first little date. Her not showing would have been acceptable. After all, she had duties for the Order, but couldn't she have sent him an owl sooner? As in as soon as she'd known she couldn't make it? No, Jaleth wasn't the entire issue--only, in a way he was. He could do what he couldn't at the moment. He could see her whenever he wanted, could look at her face, hear her voice, her laugh, see her smile. He could touch her, if he took an inkling. And he knew Kara wouldn't purposefully do anything to hurt him, but Casey couldn't help but be jealous of what the man could do that he couldn't. It made him feel powerless and a little hopeless. Jaleth didn't have the baggage, and he was alright-looking, probably nice if you got to know him. He was probably perfect for her, a better fit. But Casey wanted her. He didn't want Jaleth to stand a chance, and the only way he could ensure that is if he saw her more, but it wasn't his fault they hadn't seen each other the other day. He'd been there! He'd shown! Hell, he'd even stayed for a few hours, feeling pathetic and stupid. It was all on her.
14 November 2010
Couldn't you have owled me as soon as y
Ok, maybe that was a little harsh, but honestly! But still, playing nice and making up was better than getting pissy with her and having her call it off. He sighed and rolled his shoulders before carefully tearing off that piece of the parchment and crumpling it.
14 November 2010
Another time, right? I mean, possible emergency's more important, no? I mean, I only wa I stayed there for a while waiting, figured maybe you had some sort of thing to do for the OP. I don't mind you doing things, but could you please owl me next time? I'd really appreciate it even if it's short. How about you set the meeting this time? I need to see you. I miss you, and it's driving me crazy not being able to look at you or to hold you.
Take care,
Case
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 15:06:06 GMT -8
Kara stared at the note her beloved had sent with the owl a few days ago. This was the longest period of time she'd ever gone without seeing him, and she was actually starting to hurt. For a moment, she regretted seeing Jaleth, but nothing happened that night, nothing to cause guilt...nothing like last time. Her biggest mistake was not relaying the message of her absence to Casey that night, and this made her step back and contemplate her situation.
Sure, she was under a lot of stress, who wasn't at that point? Unless you were a Death Eater or a guard, or some sort of loyal, life was incredibly hard and would remain that way with Trevor in charge. Maybe it was Jaleth's open mind, their history, or even the mere fact that he was readily available to see in person than Casey was making himself out to be. Jaleth was tangible, he was always there for something more than a conversation passed between owls. Maybe he...
No, she thought. The two had actually argued that night. It started as something small, something simple. He was looking for 'Lana, his own sister, but Kara refused to tell him where she was. Kara knew better than to get between the two of them, especially after their last encounter. Kara knew better than to divide blood. Then he started interrogating her about Casey, wondering where he was, wondering who he was, and why he wasn't around if Kara praised him so much. It wasn't the Professor's business to be meddling, to be nosy, and Kara took the offense and tried to keep his nose out of her personal life, as it wasn't his to dabble in anymore.
It was that twist of the conversation, however, that one remark that made her sit back and wonder what sort of relationship she had with Casey, as it bore no title. They weren't married, no. They weren't steadily dating, no. They were friends, bound together by their ill fates, swallowed by their misery, constantly pestered by the ghosts of their past but drawn together by their attraction to each other. Comparing the two men was a hobby, it seemed. As much as Jaleth had hurt her and was now practically on his knees to win her affections back, Kara was still drawn to him, given their past. But Casey was such a huge part of her life since she went to Hogwarts after all that time, a key in a pivotal moment in her life, a man who gave her the answers she needed to most of the secrets that shaded her entire life, but he did not truly support her in the OP, regardless of whether or not it was her birthright, her inheritance to work for the Order. Jaleth could be swayed, maybe even join the Order if she needed him to...
Again, as always, Kara found herself faced with that inevitable dilemma. As much as her heart tugged her towards Casey, he was away. He'd been gone for almost a month now. Jaleth was still at her door, so to speak, as if his life depended on her answer, the correct answer being of course, to be with him.
After days of contemplation, she still wrote her reply.
22 November 2010
I'm sorry. I hope I do not disappoint you, but I am sure I have upset you for not showing that night. I trust that our usual rendezvous point was safe that evening, as Liam was probably there to make sure you would not be discovered. Please do not mistrust me, do not dislike me for my mistake...
I do need to see you though, my darling. It has been entirely too long. Things have not been going smoothly here, but there are faces from the OP that are returning, much needed allies for times to come.
Unfortunately for us all, I do not think the future holds a good fate for any of us.
Take care, love. Please message soon.
I must see you.
K.
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:06:35 GMT -8
Eight days had never seemed longer in his life. The second the owl had lighted on the window sill and lifted its foot for him to take the letter, he had practically leaped out of his chair and untied the letter, shoving a treat towards the owl and falling back into his chair as he unrolled the parchment with shaking hands. He'd thought it'd never come, that he'd never hear from her again, that somehow he'd done something terribly wrong, been too forward, something... But how much more forward could his letter have been than some other actions? He didn't believe it could have been. Well, unless he started writing things he wouldn't possibly send by owl post. The letter felt somehow empty to him, though. There was no real explanation for the delay, merely an apology. Maybe he was reading into things. Jealousy did tend towards that, and so many scenarios had been playing through his mind the past eight days--none of which he had liked. "I do need to see you though....I must see you." It was foreboding in the context of his mind's imaginings. He set the letter aside, using makeshift paper weights to make sure it didn't curl up on him as he took out a piece of his own parchment. Now, what to say? -------- 22 November 2010
Yes, it was safe enough, thank you, but I didn't let Liam know I was there. I didn't want him dragged into this mess. I think he had mostly muggle clientele that night, but what does it matter? It's the past.
There is a plan I am devising that will hopefully end all our worries and troubles. I just need to find the right person to execute it. But I know you wouldn't approve, and besides, owl post is unreliable at best, so I won't tell you more. I just hope I can get what I need soon enough. It seems like it would somehow be easier to obtain if I had never left or abandoned my disguise, but hindsight is 20/20. I, for one, am hopeful for once. If this works, we can all be free again, but I also know I can't do it on my own. However, I don't believe the OP to be who will back me. It reeks of pacifism, a mere shadow of what it was in its glory days. It only has rare gems who might be willing to do what it will take.
But enough politics for today...and forever, really. Yes, we must meet. I don't want not seeing each other to become the norm. We have to keep up meetings some way, some how. But like I said, you owl me the time and day this time around. I know the OP probably has you doing things, and I don't want to schedule smack dab in the middle of such a thing and not get to see you again. My schedule's a little more flexible, if needs be.
-Case
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Post by Kara Viridian on Nov 16, 2015 15:07:54 GMT -8
23 Nov 2010
I must see you, that part I know, and soon. Things have slowed down for me here and I don't forsee anything getting in my way this time, not again. Regardless, I will see you...I miss you. Tomorrow then. The same place we always meet. I trust Liam will keep our meeting secret. If need be, we can meet in the back, no one will see us there.
Please owl back if you can.
-Kara
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Post by Casey Winslow on Nov 16, 2015 15:07:49 GMT -8
23 November 2010
I'll be there around five then? No need to reply if that works. I'll make sure Jules has everything he needs and then be over so we can have the night. Look forward to seeing you.
-Casey
It was short and to the point, yes, but that was all it required. He just hoped she actually made it this time. He didn't want to have to wait for fifty hours, concerned about why she wasn't there, wondering if she was with Jaleth again and all sorts of crazy things that could bring up. But he was going to make himself think positively for now. She would be here. After fastening the letter to the owl's foot, he sent the creature off. Tomorrow night would be a good night.
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